Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
