How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
