hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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