it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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