so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
