i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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