Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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