this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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