i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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