I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
