he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
