Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
