They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
