is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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