16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
