Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
