i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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