I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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