apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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