You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would ride that face into the sunset
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
