Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
