Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
