I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
