those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
