i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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