You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
