You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
