Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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