Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
