i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
