There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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