I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize