I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
