Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
