So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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