How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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