I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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