You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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