Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
