hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found a bag of teeth...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops