you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
