we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
