I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
whose ass print is on the piano?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
