Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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