Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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