How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
