the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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