I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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