Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
