He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
