It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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