Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
