If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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