ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
