It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
