if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
