Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
