did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
