Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
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