a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
