I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
