Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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