I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
We named our party play list daddy issues
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
