You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I smell like Dick and happiness
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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