he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
