Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
