he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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