So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
