Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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