To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
