Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
