Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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