I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
