I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
