can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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