Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
