Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
