This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
